The Sun Never Sets on a Fatass

I live my life thinking that if I do not learn something about myself today, I did not live the day to the fullest. Every day should bring excitement and bring experiences that will impact the rest of your life. Today was no exception. Today, by accident, one of many trips to the bathroom lead to a revelation. I dashed inside from walking my dog and in desperation to make it to the john to drop the cosbys off at the swimming pooll, I luckily made it in time but this time it was different. I had left my sunglasses on.

I have some friends that do not take their time when taking a dump. In fact, I have a friend that once said in high school, "if I'm not out of here in less than a minute, call the police!" This is the exact opposite of the correct attitude one should have regarding the pooper. Taking a numero dos is one of the absolute, most private and personal moments you have with yourself. If you are in a serious relationship, forget about it, its the ONLY personal moment you have to yourself. Don't be one of those guys who keep the door unlocked and let your girl/guy come in and brush their teeth or chat with you. Let it be about you. Leave your cell phone and blackberry on the counter. A shit should be about you and only you. I do the best thinking on the dumper and will spend as much time as possible on there as possible. Shit, if you're at work and you are away from your desk for 30 minutes and your boss tries to be an asshole and asks where you have been and you respond you were in the bathroom, automatically, all things become awkward for him or her and your are in the clear. No boss will ever ask you anything more, besides "are you okay? do you need anything?" They will never say, "well don't shit again in this office!"

Yet it was today where my Ry*n time became extra special. Not only is a sesh on the shitter a magical moment in itself, but in high definition with my Maui Jim sport sunglasses was a whole 'nuther experience. If you are one of those douche bags that only wear $10 aviator sunglassses or the Sulja Boy silly plastic sunglasses, then you are part of a lame ass group of people as well as not priveliged enough to experience life in polarized, high definition. When you are outside it is like looking at a 1080p 72 inch lcd tv. But taking that new world into the can while relieving some anal stress is the epitomy of peacefulnessl. I could ramble on and find as many words as possible to rename the toilet, and express the greatness of the experience, but rather, I challenge you to do it. Comments are welcomed and encouraged. So as a great philosopher Nike once said, "Just Do It." Respeck.