Milk, Milk it's good for your heart.. the more I drink it the more i FART

My sudden urge for a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch sparked this entry.

You know what is embarrassing? It is embarrassing to have someone look for milk in your refrigerator and have to choose between Silk, Lactaid and half and half creamer. We may be one of the only families where your standard milk is not a regular on the grocery list.Reason being... once milk or one of her friends like cheese hit the lips,its immediately cocked and on standby at the balloon-knot's exit hole.

Although lactose intolerance (just learned that it was a 2 part word like last year) is one of those things that are common, it is frustrating as hell. When I try to tell people that I am they're like... "this fat ass that eats cheesy shit all day... yeah right!" I simply go the furthest restroom (hopefully not a public one) run the water and let the sounds entering the toilet blend-in with the faucet. But sometimes you gotta pick your battles, and for me, I would rather fight explosive diarrhea then stop eating delicious cheese and devouring delightful dairy products. Yes, go ahead and admire that alliteration.

Considering I will never pass up on a plate of delicious cheese fries or turn down a standard plain cheeseburger, I still fear your standard glass of milk. A couple weeks ago I, in desperate need of a bowl of cereal opted for the regular milk. FML. It was like Tienanmen Square, just with less Asian people involved.

Bringing me back to the products discussed earlier. Though these products are great and I care for them dearly, I still feel like a social outcast in the grocery store, looked at as a pants shitter.. a sharter even (thats a later blog entry). Silk is creative because they made it rhyme with milk. They even flavored it! Mom likes to get the vanilla.. frankly, its good but it taste like someone mixed milk of magnesia in there and has that old school chalkboard taste. Lactaid tastes just like milk except that it is called Lactaid. First impression of someone reaching for the lactaid is ewwwwwwww they must shit themselves with the regular stuff. Its public humiliation.. they might as well put it with the medicine aisle.

Anywho, back to my bowl of cereal drenched with Lactaid. I am off to Boston for the weekend and am anxious to see what kind of cheesy mess I find myself in! Respeck.