Back in Action.. what to expect and WTF Minneapolis?

My apologies to the thousands of you out there reading this. I have been out of town in one of the most unique cities I have ever been to: Minneapolis. This short trip for work brought up a lot of ideas which thanks to the blackberry I actually jotted down my ideas and not leave it to chance that my brain actually remembers. So for the next few days I will go through a number of topics centered around what sucks about flying.
Anywho, flying there aside, Minneapolis was a unique place. I do not think I have ever been to a place that had as many identities as they do lakes. First off, this city seems to love everybody but their own. There is such a blend of Packer, Bear and even Lions fans. Then you get your Cubs, White Sox, Brewers fans. Then there are 15 Joe Mauer jerseys on gameday to kind of make up for it. Minneapolis, much like the Mad Hatter had no idea wtf they wanted to be. Even in a place like Washington DC where everyone is from somewhere else and it is a big mixing bowl of rich and poor and white and purple, it still is centered around the great monuments, and each neighborhood has its own uniqueness. Yet in Minneapolis in the heart of their downtown area, it was such a crazy mix it was like the time I sprinkled fun dip in my Chipotle burrito and didn't know wtf was going on.First off, nothing says suck it when you enter a new city and there is nothing but construction everywhere. Maybe they are building a new identity, but jesus, there was more closed roads than open ones and my fucking rolling carry-on looked like Fred Flinstones busted ass feet after picking up Pebbles from Bedrock ES. It didn't matter anyway because at the heart of "rush hour" (5:30pm) I looked out my window of my hotel room and counted on my hands 5 cars on the road that were moving... FIVE.
Anyway, I digress. In the city right outside of my nice Hilton was a Ruth Chris steakhouse. Made sense considering the large number of big ass buildings and companies headquartered there. There probably is a good amount of businessmen and affluent cunts running around there. Yet around the corner is a Payday Advance or Checks Cashed place. For the record, people who have money don't use services like this. People who are addicted to drugs and rub their faces on sidewalks use services like this. Then every block of downtown, some city planning genius decided it would be a good idea to shape their bus stops like an octagon. God-forbid they strayed away from your traditional bench with a cover over top. Instead they made it into a bus stop sanctuary.. i.e. homeless people party pads. I understand Minneapolis is a cold place and lots of people use that shit, but I guess they didn't notice as fast as I did the tons of homeless people that live there (ironically, they "live" there, but have no where to live). So now, people can't truly use those bus stops because Gold-toothed Earle has his hot plate kitchen and guest bedroom set up in the bus stop. It is like giving them a free studio apartment in the heart of the city for $0 rent.
Besides the homelessness and the poor mixed with the extremely rich, the homosexual presence was everywhere. I didn't really know Minneapolis was known for that, but they run that place. No issues with that, just thought it was a unique place to set up shop. I guess Canadian gays are nicer.
So now we have the business men, the poor, the homeless who are really poor, the homosexuals, now it comes time bring on the countries. One of the most popular bars in Minneapolis is called Brit's. You do the fucking math on what country they represent. Then across the block is Locals... which is an Irish place. I tried to do the math, but that made NO SENSE what so ever. Didn't even meet a local who was Irish.. nor was anyone in there Irish, all they had was Jameson and lots of it. Then theres the Mexican restaurants which is okay.. pretty standard for a city, but then you have the Jamaican shop and the Indian grocery store. All of these within 1 block of each other, some facing or adjacent to one another.
Now the real breed of people there that were totally fucked up and wrapping up my wtf is Minneapolis rant, were your standard white people. Usually to me, white people look similar. Sometimes some are tanner than others. Some like my anonymous friend Jeff have a lot of freckles. Some have acne, some have dark hair, light hair, buzzed or pony tailed, whatever. Yet in Minneapolis white males LOVED their mustaches. I am not talking like your standard I have not shaved in a week I got a little stache growing. Nor the, hey its Halloween, I wanna look like Hitler, stache. They had the Super Troopers, Ron Burgundy, Dirk Diggler, fucking novelty look a like specials on their faces. At first I thought it was a joke. Then I saw 3 in the same place (Brit's). Then we went across the street and our bar tender at the Irish place looked like fucking Luigi from Super Mario! (who by the way had no idea wtf the Detroit Lions are) It must be THAT cold up there.
Then the biggest shot to my ego. The white women. These beings are not women. They are stretched out at birth and put on this planet to do one thing. Piss off all the short guys in this world and make our junk curl up into our stomachs. These fucking beasts were no joke, minimum 6 feet tall. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. I do not know how University of Minnesota does not have 99 National Championships in Volleyball. These girls eclipsed the sun while walking down the street. I can't talk about that topic for long because I will have to pop like 6 Xanax thinking about it.
I will close with this though. Even though how fucked up the city and all the people were, Minneapolis will not disappear anytime soon due to Social Darwism, kind of like how rednecks and gerbils are. The people there were smart enough to realize that is below 0 degrees farenheit 330 days out of the year and so what did they do? They built a skywalk system that connects a lot of the major buildings in their downtown area. With that you never have to walk outside and do not have to face the cold. This I thought was total genius. North face was probably pissed. Also, you can avoid the tons of bums.
Word. Well thats my thoughts on Minneapolis. Feel free to comment. I will be back later this week to discuss the fucks and cunts about airline travel. Until then, Respeck!